Amar Choda-chudir golpo


Ami bitan, jara amar ager galpo porecho, amar mamato didike chodar galpo, tader janne valo khabar, amar britta sampurna hayeche. Ora tin bon rimi riya raisa, riya raisar sathe fajlamo marte marte ami rimike chude chilam, takhan ami ses koishare, e ghatana niye ekta samassa chiloe bhetare, seta ebare dur holo. Ami tinte fanka din peye siliguri esechilam, bristite darjiling amar khub bhalo lage, kuyasha, megh, waterproof pare eka ghure berano, kintu darjiling amar jaowa holo na. Train takhan malda dhukche, madhharat, ami ter pelum ekti jubati meye kamray dhuklo, ‘dada, amar berthta’, galar swarta chena, alo jalte ami berthe uthe baslum, raisa! Raisa ke anekdin par dekhleo chine bhul holo na, raisao amake chinte parlo, bittu? Ek lahamay sab smritigulo fire elo, contaite mama barite riya raisar samne rimike chodar ghatana, na dekha halei bhalo hoto, kintu etodin par oke dekhe bhalo o laglo, eki dike lower ar middle berth, berth namiye alo nibiye dujan katha balte balte jete laglam, o ekta schoole paray silligudite, malday bondhur bari esechilo, nana katha, ami arastha, kalankita otit niye, janala diye bairer andhakar jagat dekhchi, ducharte alo jalche kothao, amar jibane ki alo jalbena? Bittu ami jani tui ki bhabchis, sab bhule ja. Ato sahaj sab bhule jaba? Jani kathin, sediner ghatanay amar ar mejdir dosh chilo, kintu bardi toke seduce karechilo, tor kono dosh nei. Kintu amio to nijeke samlate parini.

Tui to durghatanar swikar. Ami ki bolbo? Kichu balar nei ei andhakar bala chara. Son bittu, didi swarthapar, sukhe ache, tor katha bhebe mejdi kasto pay, riya kothay ekhan? Assame, bar ongc te, bachcha? Duto. Ar rimidi? Bardi usate, husband professor, ektai meye. Tui biye karbi na bittu? Tui keno biye karli na rai? Anek kichu, sei ghatana, bardir nogrami, mejdi biye kare sukhi na, ami eka, swadhin thakte chai. Dujanei chup, ghum ese gelo amar, ghum jakhan bhanglo train rangapani charche, cha khete khete train njp dhuke gelo, bhor 4-15, ashramparay bhara thake raisa, riksa niye o bollo chal, ballam ami ekane kono hotele jai, tarpar fresh haye darjiling jabo, o bollo keno amar ghare ki jal bathroom nei, kintu kintu karchi, o hat dhare tene riksay tule nilo, or basa besh dur, ami cigarette dhariye bhorer silliguri upobhog karte laglam, jogging karte beriyeche buro buri, anaj niye van jachche, akashe barshar megh, halka thanda. Raisa bollo, aj na giye kal chal, amio jabo. Jabi? Ha, darjiling na, barang sikkim chal, ami jai ni. Chal, ami officer kaje sref gangtak gechi, pellinger nam shuni, gele hay. Or bharabarite pouchalam, ektala bari, baranda ar ekta ghar, o ekay thake, ghare ekta taktapos, shelfe boi, snan sere base bhabchi sule hoto, kintu raisa sobe kothay, o geche snane, raisa fire elo, ballo cha khabi? Ballam traine galpo kare ghumalam kam, ghamole hay, o ballo ghumo, tui shubi kothay, mejhete kambal tambal pat. Raisa ballo, tui khate so, ami mejhete jachchi. Ami apatti karchi, hathat o amake jariye dharlo, bittu amio toke jadi seduce kari? Tui karbi na, ami jani. Or chokhe jal, ami toke bhalobasi bittu. Ami etogulo bachar toke swapne dekhi, traine toke dekhe ami chamke gechilam. Rai amake lov dekhas na, ami chiro atripta, asukhi. Bittu jara paona age aday kareche kareche, tar dena amra keno boibo, amra sukhi hate pari na, ami ballam dress kar, aj e jabo, pelling? Na, namchi, bishal sei buddha murtir kache. Adhghanta par amra abar pathe, doors busstand theke trekkerd namchi, adho ghume adho jagarane arek ajanar dike jachchi, namchi pouchalam 9ta, hotele check in karei trekkere chutlam bodhistwa padmanuver murtir padadeshe, gaganchubi murtir samne sab mithhe mane holo, ei je ekhane dariye achi, raisa amar pase etukui satti. Restaurante kheye hoteler ghare, dujanei byakul, miliner janna. Gharer darja bandha kartei rai amake jariye dharlo, chumbane dujaner thont ekakar, amio jariye achi oke, kintu sambhram basata techra bhabe, rai ballo, bittu samne ay, tor purusangata choya amar gaye, ami soja haye posaker opor diye o urute linga choyalam, o haslo, amar jama khule dilo, pant, burmuda, or hater maddhe amar linga, o hat bolachche linge, amar andakose, ami or jamar botum khullam, bra bhule or puro stan unmukta karlam, jeanser hook khule dite o komor jhakiye jeans fele dilo matite, ami or stan duhate mardan karte laglam, o ballo aha ki sundor, tui amar stan tipchis, ami ballam chal bichanay jai, tor sara sarir dekhi, mardan kari, o ballo tui amake poro lango dekhte chas, ballam ha, rai ektu sare dariye ballo dekh, sampurna nagna, sudoula stan, satham uru, nirmed talpet, o ballo ar, ballam, tui amake dekh, toke amar lingo andakos sab dekhachchi ami, rai haslo, dara ekhuni pa fak kare toke ami amar gud dekhabo, ballam please tar age ghure dariye tor bhari nitamba dekha amake, o hese uthe ghurlo, kalaser mato baro nitamba, o ballo dekhli kemon? Darun re, tui baro pachar meye bhalo basis na?

Ballam ha, o ese gala jareye dharlo, chal ebar bichanay jai, chodachudi kari dujane. Bichanay uthe ami or urute hat boate laglam, chumu khete laglam or mukhe chokhe galay kadhe, amar linge or hat, naram sucharu angulgulo ghurche linger chari dike, andakose, ami oke ulte dilam, duhate oi nitamba mardan karte laglam, chumu khelam or bartul prithul naram pachay, chuuwa, chuuuwa, o ballo es, kije karis, ami ballam, eto sundar baro baro pacha dekhle chumu khete ichche kare, o ballo dara toke amar gud dekhai, o ulte chit haye uru mele dilo, romos jonitat, majhe or kumari jonithont, joni, ami sasabde chumi khelam, tarpar jiv diye chatte laglam, halka jonigandha, o ballo please please, matha tule ballam please na karis na, amake puro chatte de, upovog kar ar ekbar ksharan kar, ami tor joni modhu khai, ami or joni puro chatlam, o tharthar kare kapchilo, or joni rasasikta halo, chete kheye nilam ami, matha tule or pase elam, o amar linga dhare ballo, khub bhalo laglo bittu, ami or stane hat dilam, ballam ebar ami tor opor uthe toke chubdo sona, o ballo ha bittu, khali ekta katha, sei din guloy didi rate tor ghare chale jeto, tora esab karti, ami ballam hayto tui dukkha pabi, o ballo na bal, ballam ami ar rimidi kichu baki rakhi ni, rate tinbar kare moithun, ami or gud kheyechi, o amake chuse amar birja kheyeche, or stane birja makhiye diyechi, emon ki ami or payu teo moithun karechi, raisa ballo payute? Ha, rimidi cheyechilo, ato baro mota pacha, or darkar chilo, kintu gabhir biswasghatakata jeta, o amake bollo bittu tui chude amake garbhabati kare de, amio oke biswas karechilam, basaye baro, mamato didir pete chude bachcha ene debo, absurd, kintu jatil ananda, tarpar abiskar karlam o garbhanirodhak khachche, amake byabahar karche o chodar janna. Rai ballo ebar amar opor oth, ami toke sab sukh debo, cheat korbo na toke, ami raisar staner botay chumu khelam, uttejanay rai stan uchu kare dharlo, ami or staner bota chuste laglam, mukh tulte o bollo aro aro, amio abar or stane mukh dilum, rai amar linga dhare adar korte laglo, ami or anna botay mukh dilum, amar hat or urute, nabhite, dhire or jonite hat bolate laglam, rai bollo aha bittu bittu ja karchis, thakte parchi na, ebar amar opor uthe par, ei muhurtotar janna ami kata din apeksha karchi, tui amar opor uthe chudi amake, ami ballam ha rai chudbo toke, amar mukti habe, kintu toke roj chai ami ebhabe, bal chere jabi na, raisa ballo na na, kakkhano chere jabo na, ami raier opor uthe parlam, buke buk, mukhe mukh, or du urur majhe amar nitambo rekhe, o uru mele dilo, bittu purusanga dhukiye de amar jonite, ami or joni mukhe linga rekhe chup ditei bujhlam o ajo kumari, ami ballam, tor ektu kasta habe kintu, o ballo kono kasta habe na, ami pratham kono virginke nichchi, rimidi na jayantiboudi na, ami pray bhaye bhayei linga diye jore chap dilum, mathata ulte khub ato joni pathe chale gelo, ahhahhh, amake jariye dharlo rai, bittu, tui puro purusanga dhukeye diyechis, ami or mukhe chumu khelam, ebar toke bhalo kare chudte de rai, o ballo chod, jatakshan paris chod amake, aha, ki sukh, ami duhate raisar stan mardan kate laglam, or hourglass komore, masto nitambe hat bolate laglam, amar komor abege rai du paye jariye dharlo ar ami puro linga or jonipathe dhokate bar karte laglam.

Pichal joni, khub ato, amar manthane siure , siure uthche, sitkar dichche rai ami tripta or sitkare, or sara sarirer abedane, macher meyeder mato khelay, pratham damakta kamle ami or pa tene nilam, hatur nich diye hat diye or masto kalas nitambe hat bolate laglam, o amar matha tene nilo or stane, amar buker botay angul diye siharan dhariye dilo rai, oke sajiv akantha chumu khete laglam ami, or jiv amar thonter bhetar, ar amar linga or joni manthan kare chaleche, raisa asfute balo aro jore bittu, aro jore chod, ami oke aro tripti deoyar janna chudte chudre or joni mukhe angul diye or jonikorok ghaste laglam, khanpche rai, ami ebar churanta muhurter janna oke jariye dharlam, ha kare or mukh gras karlam jeno tibra muhurte jeno o swas nite na pare, ete moithun sukh bere jay, ekdike amar prabal moithun annadike swas nite parche na, rai nijeo prabal bege pacha narche, amake jariye dhareche hat pa diye, amar pithe nakher anchar, nakh bidhiye dichche, ami sukher saptamswarge, eto dirgha samay oke chuddchi je jounasukheo bharpur, ami shesh muhurta parjanta or jonimanthaner sukh niye prabal ek charam matha ghorno ananda niye birjaskhalan karlam, amar tripta, tibra ananda birja mokshan, raisar jonite. Ahaaahhaa… Ghum bhanga takhan sandhe, sit sit karche, kambal tante raisar ghum bhenge gelo, amake dhare suye chilo meyeta, ballo tui tripta bittu, ha, tui, ha, tor birja jakhan felli takhan churanta tripti elo, ballam oshudh kine ante habe, o bollo ha, ekhuni pete bachcha asuk chai na, duekbachar par bhabbo, ami chumu khelam or mukhe, stane, o bollo bittu atiter ghatanatar janna tui amake kshama karis, ota amar sarajantra chilo, ami ballam, karbo, jedin tui amar bachchar ma habi sedin, o amar linga dhare ballo chaile ekmaser maddhe hate pari, habo na, ekbachar dhare tor premika thakte chai, ekbachar 100bar jonite tor purusanga dhukiye rakhte chai, ami or jonite linga dhokate dhokate oke chumu kheye bollam aj theke count kar, ekbachare toke ami 250 bar chudbo. Postscript na jurle nay, pelling gechilam, paharer mathay ekta monestory, tate boudha debmurti, eka, nisanga nay, tar kole mukhomukhi base ek debi, sangamrata debraj o debjanani, yab yum.

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